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Writer's pictureAllyson Boland

The Heart of the Christian Walk: Dying to Self

Scripture often references death and life when talking about believers: True believers must be born again (John 3:3). We were dead in our sin but are now alive in Christ (Eph. 2:5). We are new creations (2 Corin. 5:17). We are crucified with Christ (Gal. 2:20). The Bible is never going to encourage selfishness, a pursuit of worldly happiness, or a life enslaved to sin. Jesus said, "Whoever wants to be My disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me" (Matt. 16:24).


Christianity is NOT about our happiness. It's not about what God will do for us either. It's about His heart, His Gospel, and His kingdom, and it's a privilege and honor to be a part of that! God knows all the tiny details that mold into the big picture. Our "happiness" is fleeting and will easily lead us down a path that is harmful long-term. God, in His goodness, protects us from those long-term consequences by intervening in our temporary "happiness" today. Even still, He provides us with something far richer than happiness: unshakable, constant joy.


As Christians, we must fix our gaze on what's above (Jesus) rather than what's below (ourselves). If we are focused on what benefits we will receive as Christians, we have missed the entire point of the faith. A "Christian" is a Christ-follower, not a self-leader. To be a follower means to submit to the leadership of the one you are following. We'll model who we follow. Christianity is not easy, and Jesus promised that it wouldn't be, but it is most certainly true, and God richly blesses and provides for us nonetheless.


We will lead ourselves into a world of sin and fleshly desires apart from Christ. We choose moment-by-moment who we are going to follow. We all slip and fall at times, but who do we model consistently? Would someone who hardly knows you, or who doesn't know you at all, recognize that you're a Christian? Or at least different from the world? If not, you may want to address who or what is leading you.


So, how do we "die to self"? First of all, this isn't a physical death; it's a spiritual death that results in spiritual life in Christ. We aren't literally born again; we are born again spiritually when we start following Christ. As we become more like Christ, we will become less like the world, less like our flesh. Dying to self is an inward and outward expression of our faith.


Here are some examples of dying to self:

1. Choosing obedience over sin and fleeing temptation

2. Capturing our thoughts and submitting them to Christ

3. Sacrificing time, finances, etc. for others

4. Choosing to please God rather than people

5. Releasing your dream job to follow God's direction

6. Honoring God with your body by waiting until marriage to have sexual contact, caring for your body with healthy portions of food, avoiding parties and drinking

7. Not affirming lies even when the world is

8. Submitting to God's will rather than your own

9. Choosing patience over impulsivity

10. Loving and forgiving others despite how they treated you


These are by no means easy, nor will many of them make us "happy" in a moment. However, dying to self isn't something we should grieve; it calls for much rejoicing! The world tells us to "follow our hearts," but this is a concept the Bible warns against! Our hearts are "deceitful and desperately wicked above all things" (Jer. 17:9). When we follow are own leadership, we head straight for destruction. God wants to protect us from those mistakes!


Here are some ways the Bible describes our fleshly self, our "hearts" apart from the Holy Spirit:

  1. Our flesh cannot please God (Rom. 8:8).

  2. The flesh brings destruction (Gal. 6:8).

  3. The flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit; the Spirit and the flesh are always in conflict (Gal. 5:17).

  4. The works of the flesh are: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like (Gal. 5:19-21).

  5. Out of our hearts comes evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness (Mark 7:21-23).

Why would we grieve dying to these habits? Why wouldn't we rejoice that now, because we have the Holy Spirit indwelling us, we have complete and constant access to love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23) DESPITE our circumstances? With Christ, our character is only strengthened under fire, only refined, not destroyed. By dying to self, we are able to experience God's power in an intimate and divine way because it is not something we can do on our own. It is a privilege and a joy to have the opportunity to die to self! There's no question that it's hard, that it seems impossible at times, that we still fall into sin, but the "new self" we put on offers eternal fruit and eternal communion with our Holy Father! There's no loss in dying to self--only freedom from the emptiness of the world and fulfillment from the only One who can satisfy us. It is a lifelong journey, a moment-by-moment choice, not an immediate destination that requires no effort. Dying to self will feel uncomfortable, but discomfort leads to growth!


One of my dear friends celebrates her spiritual birthday--the day she got saved and died to her old self! Have you ever celebrated a death? Dying to self is definitely worth the celebration! Once we die to ourselves, we find life in Christ. What an exchange!


~Ally B.




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